Four poems // Alexis Leos

Alzheimers

I seen you and your memory of me was no

more.

So I just left and cried out the door.

Next time I seen you your body was no

more.

So I just left and cried out the door.

I hung your picture up on my wall knowing

you will not be there for me no more.

So I just cry on my floor .

Do you ever feel?

Do you ever feel your silence screaming

loudly?

Do you ever feel your heart beating out of

your chest?

Do you ever feel your mind take off without

you?

Do you ever feel yourself slip away?

LET ME SLEEP!

Slowly I see the sun go down, and I know

what's coming . As I sit at the foot of my

bed, I hold my head. I scream internally.

"LET ME SLEEP! ""LET ME SLEEP! ""LET ME

SLEEP! " I lie down and close my eyes,

trying to sleep. My mind won't let me, my

mind won't let me. I try my hardest to not

think of anything, but my mind continues

running around. I scream internally again

"LET ME SLEEP! ""LET ME SLEEP! ""LET ME

SLEEP! " But my mind won't let me

Panic attacks!

Panic attacks are like the wind.

You can't see the wind but you can surely

feel it.

Panic attacks are like a boomerang.

You throw it away thinking you're fine. But

it comes right back to you.

Panic attacks are like setting off a firework.

You know it's going to go off. But when it

does it scares you.

How am i?

How am I suppose to live.

If I don't know what to give?

How am I suppose to believe?

If I cannot achieve.

How am I suppose to try?

If all I do is cry.

How am I suppose to go?

If I don't even know.

How am I suppose to be glad?

If all I am is sad.

//

Alexis Leos is 22 and works in a deli in Texas. She's had anxiety since she was 5, and since she was 18 she has struggled with depression. "Writing poetry and listening to music helps me so much."