• Paul Kindlon

Aphorisms & Eggshells // Paul Kindlon

Editor's note: Paul Kindlon's aphorisms. eggshells, sayings, fortunes, sentences--call them what you will--are separated here with cut-along-the-dotted-lines symbols. Read his work. Print and cut the ones you like. Leave them places. Or take screenshots and post them where they're needed.

Hating the government has become so popular

scoundrels are virtually assured of election

Childhood illusions are only surpassed by those of the intelligentsia

T.S. Elliot said that “bad writers borrow and good writers steal.”

Did he say that before or after he got caught?

Like politicians and actors, lovers are cherished for their ability

to make us believe what we know to be false

Even the virtue of moderation can sometimes be extreme, dangerous

and completely irrational

Compassion: the ability to feel what you don’t feel

Despair: suddenly realizing that the light at the end of the tunnel

is just a reflection from your flashlight

One’s man’s ceiling is another man’s floor: legal terminology which means that

when the plumbing leaks, both will have to share the mopping chores

Life: postponement of the inevitable

If walls could talk…we wouldn’t have to telephone our neighbors

The ability to accept criticism can lead to self-doubt or self-respect

depending on how you use your time

Your mind is not your personal property …regardless of what you think.

“The early bird catches the worm” : warning that you should sleep a little longer

until they start serving something decent for breakfast

The ability to make others laugh is the only form of power that should be abused

Forgive and forget…so that later on you can do the same

The roller-coaster ride: a voluntary experiment in which participants attempt to transfer mental illness to the body​

​East is East and West is West, but any roadmap will easily convince you otherwise

The good lord gave us free will…the devil then countered with advertising

Light is the only metaphor that should be taken literally

Autobiography: fear of long-term memory loss

When mortal enemies find common ground it usually means that they’ve

agreed on their choice of cemeteries

Crocodiles cry…so do clowns…deceiving lovers too.

Almost makes you appreciate the sheer genuineness of onion tears

They always drink the same thing and never pay. They always drink alone and never tip. No wonder we consider the action of the mosquito repellent

Insomnia: When your mind refuses to stop working while it seems as though

Your dreams have gone on strike

People prone to guilty fingers try to keep ‘em clean by putting them on a preaching hand.

In the geometry of Life most vertical lines end up crooked

Embrace you fear with a lover’s passion and the femme fatale will leave you

Live life on the edge if you can’t make heads or tails of it

Of all those who claim that they love people

the most believable is the cannibal

Human body: the bread of life destined to become stale

Even the most popular person in the world must dance to the last song

without a partner

The gifted can do much more than simply open the present

For the writer…manual labor means grasping for thoughts and squeezing the meaning out of words.

In a calculated risk, you have to consider all the plusses and minuses

if you want to figure out the aftermath

Some holy men have my deepest respect.

Takes a lot of pride to think you’re not human

Regret is the echoing scream eternally silent in a dead man’s dream

The “anti-toast”: Glory to the pagan…to the irrational animal soul

And may the gods have mercy on the cruelly civilized mind

I never did like gravity

Mid-life Crisis: period of life when most men experience their first sexual feelings

for the very last time

Prestige: top-dog status for the underdog

The door to the past can only be unlocked by the keys of a fool

Desperation: an urgent need to wish in “fast forward”

Social inequality will not be changed by politics or economics.

For the elite are obliged to be exclusive by definition.

First, shoot all the linguists!

Hesitation: when desire and the will haven’t been properly introduced

Flattery: the antidote to unwelcomed persuasion

Fashion conscious: when one’s Ego is woven into the fabric of their clothes

Self-knowledge: a sly wink from your third eye

The cockroach does not drink or smoke nor swear loudly and over-consume your food. He does not snore or steal your money and will never try to seduce your wife.

Yet this ideal house guest still manages to embarrass you in front of family and friends

Creative writing: defiantly building another tower to transcend the limitations of language

Consider the circle… accused of abetting witch craft, associated with flawed reasoning, even branded as vicious. Are we not simply jealous of the circle because

it is so well-rounded?

To be really successful they say you have to set your sights high.

This is something I could never do

Art imitates life…except where prohibited by law

Theory: using the power of the mind to comprehend something which the mind has been powerless to comprehend

Pity the hapless pauper who lives his entire life on handouts until charity provides

one final insult: the coffin- an unwanted gift that cannot be returned

Women often complain about men which only makes men complain about women,

But then again…who’s really complaining?

Whoever said “man ultimately kills that which he loves” must have been a florist

Computers are an extension of the brain, but for some- a prosthetic device

Feelings present an obstacle to clear, rational thinking, but in our search for the truth we manage to find a way around them

Variety is the spice of life but if most people are content with plain old salt and pepper, my advice is to go with the pepper. Pass the salt

The aim of poetry is to outshine the sun, overcome death, and assist in seduction. Poets fail miserably at reaching all these goals, but one out of three ain’t bad

Suspicion is the front door to the Devil’s house

If change is permanent we will meet again.

And again

The first shall be last and the last shall be first.

But I’m still not giving up my place in line

Whoever said little girls are sugar and spice and everything nice

probably never changed a diaper

“Curiosity killed the cat.”

The mouse that put out the poison is innocent of all charges

Revenge is sweet, but a good Christian is always on a diet

Last night I dreamed of a camel passing through the eye of a needle.

And he did it without even lifting his leg

Master: Remember…the Good go to Heaven, the Bad go to Hell

Pupil: That I understand sir, but where do people go?

Jealousy in romance is the voyeurism of self-punishment

Reality is a hyphen between two worlds

The bard perceived the entire world as a stage because we all do. Drawn by the colored lights, no doubt, we linger long and only the few seek a quick exit. Itinerant puppets wearied of the playwright’s string; they hope never again to have to wait in the wings

Just when you think you’ve got it made, you wish you could make it all over again

Journalists strive to be objective.

Remarkably some try even after they’ve been hired

When a student oversimplifies the complex he gets an “F”

When a professor does it he gets recognition

Flying saucers are real. The people who see them are not

If you’ve been there, seen everything before and heard it all before

You may as well work on weekends

Follow your heart, but keep some distance

Without imagination nothing would seem real

When the curtain comes down…at least put on some underwear

Books contain knowledge in order to prevent it from possibly

contaminating the populace

If you fail to study geography you’ll probably think the Antarctic

was a pesticide used by Noah

The devil ain’t nothin but negative ideas. Take away all the negative ideas in the world and all you got left is God – the big Yes

As you get older and more mature…you stop making foolish mistakes.

Then you live to regret it

Punishment is pre-meditated, but crime can be accidental. Virtue is usually both

All the world’s a stage…and who can deny that even the well-players perform for one reason and one reason alone: to make you as well as themselves think that what comes before the fall of the curtain is more dramatic than the critical silence that follows our self-conscious applause

After three thousand years of persistent inquiry it is rumored that Philosophers now know the meaning of life…okay…who blabbed?

History is the mess left behind by uninvited guests

Romanticism is a rebellious shadow trying to outrun the rays of the sun

When there is peace on Earth, war will suddenly become a human right

Mysticism is the cloud behind he sun

Kissing your sister is different from kissing your lover.

But let’s not discuss it further if it’s all the same to you

A writer does not create. That would be plagiary

Depression is an intermission in the game of illusion

Hollywood directors are the trash collectors of culture.

And the producers just keep piling it on

If you’ve been around the block a few times

you know that death is right around the corner

The historical utterance “Give me liberty or give me death” is very useful in instructing young citizens. It teaches them never to limit their options

There are no atheists in a fox hole

cause they’re usually not dumb enough to join the military

For the eternal pessimist, optimism is a once in a lifetime opportunity

Promises were made to be broken so that promises would be able to mend

Chastity ends when the music begins

Never talk to strangers…and you’ll never have a friend​

​Compassion is the make-up of the spiritually vain

Forget your foolish pride…and you’ll end up a humble servant

The amount of stress you feel is inversely proportional to your IQ

Courage turned to Fear when it unexpectedly looked in the mirror

If you only live once then do so…by all means

Fools argue among themselves. Enlightened scholars debate each other.

The truly wise just play music

Intuition is weak perception suffering from delusions of grandeur

Flying is a way of laughing at the Earth. But you know who gets the last laugh

Bartenders are character witnesses to the assassination of your respectability

by your own hand

The message of the first raindrop bears repeating

Spring is conception, summer is birth and the body is the autumn deception of existence.

The will to change is determined by a chance to forget.

Personality is a game of musical chairs. Hypocrisy occurs when two are caught sitting in the same seat

A cynic is someone looking over his shoulder at the future

A smart writer wakes up before his imagination does so he can hear it talking in its sleep

The cemetery is a place to briefly visit those who used to briefly visit those who used to briefly visit

For a man, possessive love is the strangle-hold of a headless horseman who’s lost his grip

The craving for revenge can only be satisfied by a flirtatious enticement of injustice

Anxiety is an inarticulate beggar

Never respect a “perhaps” or a “maybe” – they are merely the puppets of possibility

Gaining wisdom means that you can ignore advice and disregard criticism

now that you know others are just as stupid as you

Getting married is a nervous theatrical moment even though you both know the

script and all he cues. Perhaps it’s due to all those critics in attendance

Secrets are little stones that are much too heavy to carry alone

Advice to school teachers: Don’t get upset when pupils lose their concentration in Friday classes… after all…day dreaming is what the elderly does

A penny for your thoughts…you’re a millionaire!

There’s a story on the white pages of winter’s dark book of a snowflake that falls

careless and free until it settles down to wait for the light of dissolution that unites

I thought at one time that asceticism was my true calling…

But it was just an echo of spiritual narcissism

Colors are the candies and flowers in the romance between light and dark

My bedroom ashtray was an invitation to smoke and I RSVP’d with a hot flame

In the world of entertainment many performers work for peanuts

Exotic dancers are an exception…they perform for chestnuts

The genius writes with a microscope what can only be read with a telescope

Astronomy owes much to the reflective powers of the simple mirror which-

when gazed into - always reveals the center of the universe

Hindsight is just an oversight of foresight

Was Scrooge the only psychologist to point out that the annual visit of Santa Claus

is a guilt trip…?

In the illness of life, pleasure is an attempt to treat the past and prevent the future

Justice for all: Love is irrational – laws are not

The eyes are the window to the soul, but most of us have the shades drawn

For some…being guilty means that every now and then happens too often

Sarcasm is the art of the boomerang compliment

The Tao of Tyranny: The best way to control ...is to give the masses complete liberty

so they may freely enslave themselves

You’re tired of being stepped on, tugged this way and that so much that you feel you’re going to snap…checked on to see if you measure up…knowing that if you don’t, you’ll be instantly replaced. No wonder – my little shoelace – you are fit

to be tied

You say the Blues make you feel good about feeling bad?

Well…and you thought you weren’t religious

Scientists insist on communicating with animals through the language of stimulus/response. The average pet owner knows instinctively how primitive this is

Spirituality based upon Reason is superior because you get to pity others you think are morally inferior to you

Dreams are the mirrors which reflect the images our minds must distort

to keep us asleep

Faith is the sound of a broken clock still ticking

Consciousness is a dance between yesterday and tomorrow

Insanity occurs when they both try to lead

The Believer drives down the road of Life seeing a cul-de-sac

while fully expecting a detour

When the expression “you have an interesting mind” becomes redundant

human evolution will finally be complete

I once employed the work ethic, but it didn’t work for me​

Mediocrity dances to the rhythm of routine

Comme il faut: Not eating frogs’ legs during leap year

Landlord: One who comes up with astronomical figures by calculating with the space by time formula

Unrequited love: A heart that is paying dearly while Cupid is being frugal

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation – unless they happen to be your neighbors

I’ve had so many ups and downs the buttons on my coat have numbers on them

Thanks to the very trendy plumber out-houses are now in

Double meaning: when a pregnant pause gives birth to twins

Stoicism: when – in the face of adversity – you can keep a stiff upper lip

and not even raise an eyebrow as you take it on the chin

Only a Buddhist can find soul food in an empty refrigerator

In true love there is no difference between giving and taking. And then she leaves you

Temptation is everywhere – so there’s really no need to travel

Every cloud has a silver lining, but the damn things leak anyway

When you die people pay their last respects.

Unfortunately, you’re in no condition to collect

Terminal illness is the alarm clock of spiritual awakening

Tell your wife your secrets and she will praise you for your honesty.

All my wives have done so

The size of the universe indicates a clear case of substance abuse

Learn from your mistakes and in the future you will be much less ignorant

when you repeat them

Marriage: A whisper that begins and ends with a shout

Live as though you have a hole in your shoe. It will make you more attentive to what others are thinking and saying and conscious of every step you take.

Platonic relationship: an imperfect copy of the Ideal

When political opinion is formed by a majority coalition of fear and ignorance it can always defeat the undemocratic truth.

The doctoral dissertation is a challenge because, after having spent 25 years on the knees of ventriloquists, they then expect you to find your own voice

It’s absurd to think we should know beforehand what will happen to us after death. That would be like explaining a joke before the punch line is delivered

Crisis management: intervening to untie knots for those who are at the end of their rope

Low self-esteem: giving yourself a bad review before you even begin to act

Misanthrope: one who sits in judgment while standing aloof

Non-sequitur: the shortest distance between two points

Practice makes perfect – especially in theory

Moral dilemma: deciding whether or not to cancel an appointment with sin because of the unexpected punctuality of conscience

If you allow them to put a collar around your soul and hold it by a leash, you may as well let them bury your bones

Over-confidence: giving yourself credit at the expense of others

Racism: one mutt accusing another mutt of having a pedigree

A woman’s orgasm is like a good joke. Once you’ve heard it you can’t wait to repeat it

People who do not exercise their wills are like seeing-eye dogs for the blind forces of nature

Optimists believe that chaos is just temporarily out of order

If you can read the writing on the wall you’re probably developing bad spelling habits

Originality is the loner we all fear

First and foremost, an artist tries to paint what he sees in his mind. If that fails, he then goes out of his mind

Charity takes the color out of your cheeks

Psychologists say that intellectual ideas alone cannot cause mental problems.

Such pronouncements, of course, are symptomatic of genius envy

Philosophy is the work of great magicians being tricked by their own illusions

Hedonism is often spiritual foreplay

What we call wisdom is usually just infectious self-deception

Experience may be a great teacher, but an education can be quite costly

Fond remembrance is an attempt to assure ourselves the present is valuable and the future worth enduring

Arrogance shows when a strip tease of the Ego bares all

When extended, the bridge between childhood and adulthood can take a heavy toll

I was destined for greatness, but when my fate got distracted my luck ran out

Boredom is a jealous ghost hovering over your soft little soul with

devil dust and bad intentions

If you build a better mousetrap some little rat will be sure to file suit

Bartender’s nightmare: A sudden ambush by revenge-minded water spirits lurking in the shadowy stains of carelessly spilled ancestors

I remember as a child when religion was a pillow for my soul filled with the feathers of angels

Patience without anticipation quickly becomes neglect

Talent can be poisonous…if you keep it inside

No need to tell me the secrets of the Great pyramids

Just tell me the ancient Egyptian word for getting high

If you consider the fact that life on Earth is just a momentary vibration in the dissipating echo of the Big Bang, silence don’t seem so golden...do it?

//

Paul Kindlon is originally from America, but has been living in Moscow, Russia for 24 years. His life adventures include musician, stage actor, writer, and professor, with twelve literary publications in America ( 9 short stories, 3 poems). He’s a regular contributor to “Russia-Insider” website featuring articles on Russian culture, politics, and philosophy.

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