The 3 Doors Down breakout single “Kryptonite” initially sounds like a good timing rock anthem about Superman’s wavering mental health, but if Tipper Gore’s Parents Music Resource Center were in full effect, as it should be, then listeners may have discovered the Antichrist Prophesy in 3 Doors Down’s dark syntax. These messengers of Satan must be stopped before they perform their dark ceremony for millions of people this inauguration. (2/18/17 UPDATE: Too late.)
To fully understand the occult message, let us start with the opening lines, “I took a walk around the world/To ease my troubled mind,” we can infer there is a problem with the state of the world, as we have built our own Sodoms and Gomorrahs. He goes on to tell the listener, “I left my body lying somewhere/in the sands of time.” The prophet has left the physicality of his body after sacrificing himself to his dark lord. “The sands of time,” is a direct reference to the lecherous television program, Days of Our Lives through the line, “like sands through the hourglass.” Clearly, 3 Doors Down are paying homage to their salacious predecessors.
With the prophet’s new sense of immortality, he “watched the world float/to the dark side of the moon,” as his rise to power arrives with an ominous force, thus declaring, “I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah.” This reference predicts the claims that there is nothing that could deter voters from affirming his seat in power, even something as ridiculous as shooting someone in a highly populated New York street corner.
A sense of recklessness is imposed on the listeners as the narrator promises rewards to his followers as he mutters the phrase, “I really don’t mind what happens now and then/As long as you’ll be my friend at the end.” By denying the past of “now and then,” the prophet promises supernatural protection to his “friends.” He alludes to going “crazy,” to being a “super-man,” and promises that if “you [will] be there a-holding [his] hand,” then the dark lord will “keep you by [his] side/with [his] superhuman might.” We can’t be fooled by the faux-promises of these seemingly normal-sized promised hands.
3 Doors Down’s prophet correctly anticipates the attacks on the Antichrist by his enemies when stating “You called me strong, you called me weak/But still your secrets I will keep.” The Antichrist is criticized for his powerful position, yet knows so much that he does not even need to back up his knowledge with factual evidence. The message of the prophet urges the listeners to follow their new leader, because “If not for [him], then you’d be dead.” If you chose to follow this dark lord, he will “[pick] you up and put you back on solid ground.”
The prophet repeats his chant or “chorus” as a mantra to stick in the minds of his followers, affirming the listener to put their trust into the Antichrist. The dark lord promises that if you follow him, “I’ll keep you by my side/with my superhuman might.” I urge you to resist the temptation to follow the dark lord after hearing his promises during this inauguration. “Kryptonite/Yeah.”
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Joshua Bohnsack is an MFA candidate at Northwestern University. His work has appeared in Queen Mob’s Teahouse, The Mondegreen, 5x5, and others. He ran an ice cream shop in rural Illinois until he moved to Chicago. His is on Twitter at @josiahbohnsack